What You Think Defines You…………… May Defile You, If It’s Not the Truth!

Life and What Matters

The things we think about; the things we do and/or don’t, the things we desire, that we can’t have; the things we don’t forget and/or forgive, the things that people have said or done to us!

There are so many things that go through our head on a daily basis, which can lead us to having an unsuccessful life due to being misled by how we define ourselves; it’s all based on our thoughts and what we think about ourselves.



You’re already thinking about what you need to do tomorrow; what someone said to you last week, what you need to buy, where you need to go; who you need to call, etc.; all in which may not have anything to do with you personally, but because of what you think people will think; you think that these things are important!

I have to go to Jane’s party or she’s going to think I’m acting funny.

I can’t believe John said that to me; he must think I’m soft.

I have to buy a new dress for the party because what would they think if I wore the same dress that I wore to the other party.

I need to call Tim and explain why I didn’t go off on John after he said what he said to me.

All of this has nothing to do with you (FOR REAL)…………..

And then again; maybe it does! Maybe it does because you are so worried about what somebody is going to think about you and what they think is going to determine how you feel about yourself and after a while define who you are!!!!!


Now that was just something small, just to make sure you get the point.

But how about those thoughts that make you stop and think; stop and remember; stop and wish that they weren’t your thoughts. But because they are your life experiences; they can’t help but to be your thoughts.

These are the thoughts that you haven’t forgot and/or you haven’t forgiven.

You haven’t forgotten about the fact that you grew up without a father; then your mother abandoned you and left you with your grandmother so that she could take on the responsibility of being your mother and your grandmother.

You haven’t forgotten that since you weren’t as privileged as the other kids on your block; you were picked on and called names; which in turn made you feel less than.

You haven’t forgotten that you were molested as a child by someone who claimed to be a mentor.


You haven’t forgiven yourself for not finishing college and having children at an early age because there was no father and mother in the home to push you and show you the way; and your grandmother was too old to do it all by herself.

You haven’t forgiven yourself for choosing the wrong person to have kids by and now you’re left to take care of them yourself, because since you never really had nice things as a child the first man that gave you something nice you thought you loved him so you had his baby but really you loved the nice things he was giving you and now he’s locked up in jail for selling drugs and now you’re right back where you started from (NOTHING).

You haven’t forgiven yourself for putting yourself in a jacked up situation and still paying for it today because now you have 4 kids and 3 baby fathers; because as a child your mentor taught you that in order to keep a man you had to sleep with them; but they all ended up leaving anyway and left you stuck with the byproduct.


So because of the un-forgiveness and the negative things that we haven’t forgotten; we become Defined People-Pleaser. Spending most of our life worrying about what others think about us and trying to gain approval in their eyes by being pleasing to them so that they won’t recognize any of our flaws! And we think that being a people pleaser will cover them up.

Now when I say Defined People Pleaser; I’m not just referring to you pleasing your friends, children, family or spouse; I’m talking about the world, everyone; from the Check-Out Clerk at the grocery store when you hand her your Food Stamp Card and start sweating because you think that she going to be talking about you when you leave the store; the Teller at the bank after your account has been overdrawn and now you have to go in and get it straightened out; the cashier who checks you out at the department store and your card comes back declined, because you are trying to buy a dress that you know you can’t afford; the people at the club who are all dressed up just like you but don’t have enough money to buy a drink (FOR REAL) but still insist on buying the bar.


I GET IT!!!!!!! We are all humans, living in a world where people view you on what they see and what they think and that can be very intimidated and cause a lot of self-worth pressure.

Very seldom do you find a person who is more interested in your heart then your appearance, very seldom.

I GET IT!!!!!! As people we all want to be defined by something; we all want affirmation and approval that we’re okay; that we matter to someone or something; that we are making a difference in some way and that’s fine; but when it gets tricky; is when the question is asked…………

What are we looking to for definition?

This is where the confusion comes in; but today I’m here to clear up the confusion for all who thinks it lies in the approval of another person, how much money you have, how educated you are or how many FB friends you have.



I’ve had to learn that my past doesn’t define me and neither does what people think about me; not the mistakes or the pain I endured growing up or the people who didn’t want me to sit next to them on the school bus!

“The Bible declares an amazing and profound truth:

(Colossians 2:10) said that “In Him (Christ) you have been made complete”

Therefore; he is the only person who can define you! And in him you have been made complete! COMPLETE! Meaning you’re all good! (IN HIM)


People can’t define you.

The moment we look to others for identity is the moment we lose ours. No one can tell you who you are, or who you should be; God has already put down in you everything that you need to become and overcome.

Do we want others to like us, to approve of us? Absolutely; but if we are constantly looking to our spouse, our children, our friends, our job, our clothes, our money, etc. to complete us and fill up our approval cup, we will never be satisfied. We will only be approval chasers; the cup will be overflowing and we still won’t be happy, we will be mad because it’s wasting out. Because the truth is; people and things cannot completely satisfy us. It’s impossible. This is why you see so many rich millionaire & billionaires; over dosing on drugs, killing themselves and out of control; because there is no life satisfaction there; just a shell and some money.

Your past doesn’t define you.

So many people are stuck in the past, especially in their emotional past. I use to be this person; but I can say now that I’m no longer holding on to the torment of my past, the chains have been broken. My life had been a rollercoaster since I was 11 years old and it wasn’t until I was 35 years old that I began to understand that all that I had been through was so that God could bring me through and prepare me for my future and true purpose in life.


God will never put more on you than you can bare and he will make a way out of no way; even if it looks like your doomed; if you believe and stay faithful and have an obedient heart, he will bring you through. I’m a witness!

What you do can’t define you.

We live in a culture of performance and attributes; a culture that promotes status, wealth, education, production and tangible things. But what it doesn’t promote is the giver, which is (GOD) and the scary thing about that, is that we can easily slide into finding our identity in those things and those things can become our idols and then we can become so caught up on our role in the world that we forget about our purpose with God.

Although our work is good, and our roles are important and God wants us to live a prosperous life; we are so much more than just those things.


What if you got a PHD but can’t get a job, what happens if you get into an accident and become disfigured, what happens if that $500, 0000 house burns down with all the tangible things you’ve accumulated inside? What would you do then?

Will you crumble or will you stand? If these are the things that defines who you are then make sure there’s a vacuum next to you, so that if it happens, somebody can pick up the crumbs; but if you are defined by Christ then you will stand in faith knowing that………..All thing work together for good and that even without those things you are still who God made you to be!

People, it’s sad to say but, our identity is in the wrong places and that’s because we have too much unfinished business.


We have too many lingering unforgiving thoughts; we have got to forgive, and I know it’s impossible to totally forget but you have got to forgive and heal from your past indiscretions and disappointments; we cannot let those things hinder us from being who God intended for us to be and from fulfilling or purpose, all because we’ve let people and our thoughts define us and defile us, by telling us what we should be, should have, shouldn’t do, and/or should look like.

That’s why it all starts with forgiveness.

Forgive yourself for not accepting yourself completely!

We all know that we can be so critical of ourselves; always comparing ourselves to others; never being content with what we have at the moment or who we are; trying to keep up with whatever someone else is doing and “The Jones’s!”

There are so many people out there who aren’t really happy with who they are and where they are in life and it’s sad because this is what causes us to continue living our lives for others and becoming depressed at the same time. Trying to be like Mike…….when Mike ain’t even tripping off us for real; cause Mike is doing him and since we trying to do Mike and he ain’t doing us; now we depressed and oppressed and Mike is gone about his business.

heal me

But before we can even consider changing the way we think about ourselves and the way we perceive ourselves, we need to ask God to show us how to forgive ourselves; that’s the only way. Then after we forgive ourselves we can start focusing on our own beauty and our own greatness and following our own mind, seeking his approval and doing what He has already put down in us to do.

It’s never too late to start seeking approval from the right place; it’s never too late to…………

 Start getting approval from God! All the approval you will ever need is the approval of him and you. By now you should be tired of living your life based on if someone like you or not, if someone thinks you’re worthy enough; and if they don’t then something must be wrong with you.


Get your validation from God!

You spent so much time and energy trying to be something you were not, trying to fit in and trying to be like everybody else, you thought that it was the right thing to do but now that you know better, it’s time to forgive yourself, let go and let God handle the rest.

Those wicket thoughts that have creative power over your mind; God will handle those!

Did you know that your beliefs were created based on your thoughts and by you acting on your beliefs, you have created you own reality. The life you are now living is the result of all of those thoughts and all the choices you made so far based on your beliefs, that weren’t the beliefs and thoughts of God.


How about those past mistakes; God will handle those too!

The past is long gone, you can’t change it, you can’t change what once happened to you; but what you can change is the way you view it. With God’s help you can come to grips with those things and be healed from those things. He may even reveal to you that some of those things may not have even been mistakes; they may have just been lessons that life taught you, to prepare you for your present life.

Also, forgive yourself for all the judgments you’ve placed on yourself and others and shift your focus and attention from blame and criticism to love and forgiveness, for others and yourself.

When you’re judging you have no time for loving; you have to forgive to love and you have to love yourself to heal.

Decide today; that you will no longer define yourself by what’s going on around you or by what others think of you, by forgiven yourself for giving up on you.


Seek God for approval and when you do that, he will show you everything that he has put down in you to be a better you. The irony is that by doing so you will actually allow yourself to view yourself in a whole new light and no longer will you look for faults in yourself and your past. This will allow you to be bold and original and content with whatever state you are in.

Who you are, is not defined by what you are or who you were; and to know who you are and where you are going; is to know the (TRUTH) God, and who he purposed you to be!

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