If you want a successful marriage, building intimacy needs to be a priority and it start right after you say I do. Here are some of my ideas to building intimacy in your marriage, to get you started:
Date, date, date so that your marriage can be great……………….
1. Plan Date Night
One common complaint that I hear about marriages is that the couple don’t spend enough quality time together, with all the fussing and hustling of the day……….. work, kids, church, practices and everyday essential activities; time becomes limited.
That’s why setting a monthly date night is a must; now if you can set a date night twice a month that’s even better but for now we will start out slow, with only once a month.
1st make arrangements in advance as if you’re planning for a vacation. Arrange for childcare and make reservations for whatever it is you want to do on your date night so that everything can run smoothly and that way there will be no distractions and you will be able to focus solely on your spouse.
I propose? That you take turns, planning the date nights; each one of you should plan a date night that’s all about the things your spouse likes, then next month; your spouse will do the same for you. The point of this routine is to share responsibility and be thoughtful about what the other person enjoys. So if your husband likes basketball, then take him to a game and do all the things that he would do if he was hanging with the fellas but do it as his sexy wife. That even means dressing down and putting on a team jersey; on another note, if you wife loves the spa, treat both of you to a spa day for two and enjoy one another’s time and company and yes; that means you even have to put on the white rob, slippers and mask if necessary.
Now, this next one is a must; especially if you have children……………
2. Schedule Sex
Ok Goddesses, please don’t think that the joy of sex is lost when it’s scheduled because it’s not it’s just planned; it’s lost when it doesn’t happen. Believe me I know!!!
If that happens in your house (not happening), decide how often is good for the two of you; (2, 3, 4 times a week or maybe 1 time a week, whatever works for the both of you) then, try setting an appointment day and time with your spouse, for some love making time that will accommodate those times.
This can actually be really fun; because you can plan different approaches to the foreplay………….however; if it is scheduled, please make sure you keep your appointment because if you do not that may cause your spouse to become disappointed and if something comes up and you’re not going to be able to keep your scheduled sex appointment let you spouse know in advance in an effort to cut down on confusion and/or disappointment.
(Men are not like women, they are always ready for sex regardless of the time but especially if they have an appointment. Appointments technically means that they have been thinking about it all day, like a puppy dog waiting after you’ve said “TREAT!”
Now we’ve come to confession and professing……………
3. Profess Your Love (NOT JUST ON ANNIVERSARIES AND VALENTINES DAY)
But all the time…………………
Write love notes to your spouse and slip it in his/her jacket pocket or his/her wallet/purse, leave a I love you card on their pillow, buy their favorite candy and put a sticky note on it, that reads something like “this is for you my sweetness or chocolates for my chocolate” but do something to keep your spouse engaged!
Celebrate your marriage by telling your spouse how much you love them, I know that some of you all are against texting but sexting should be strong in a marriage. It’s like seasoning the turkey and letting it marinate, before you cook it.
Now this is “KEY” right here!!!! So pay close attention………………………..
4. Pursue Common and Personal Interests
My husband and I are pretty different people, but we share a lot of common interests. We both enjoy reading the word of God, doing Kingdom work @ our church, walking and working out, good food and ice-cream, hanging out and watching a good movie and spending time with the family, but we still have our own interest too.
That being said my husband doesn’t skate but sometimes I would like for him to go with me, even if he’s just watching in support of my interest; I don’t like football that much, but I will watch and go to the games simply because he loves it and I’m doing something with him. Sharing common interests are easy but sharing personal interest can be difficult, but it shows how much you care about your spouse and what their interest are; therefore it shouldn’t be as difficult at all.
Here where it gets down to the QT! What’s booty without the QT?……..
5. Communicate and Engage With Each Other
How easy is it to eat a quick meal by yourself or even eat dinner with your spouse and not say much of anything or turn on the TV and watch your favorite program upstairs while he’s downstairs watching his, how about going to a Social Media Site and scrolling all night until the night is over and then you’re wonder where the time went. The answer is………………….
Too easy; instead of only thinking about how to keep yourself occupied, include your spouse in the equation by taking advantage of the special alone time that’s presented to you, all the time you spend on FB or any other social media site could be QT spent with your spouse, regardless to if it’s just sitting in the bed pillow talking.
Have a conversation; give your spouse a massage, or how about this…………have sex! Even if it’s not on the sex schedule! This will put something on your spouse’s mind and send him to bed with a smile! GT well spent, is always needed, especially when you have kids; every little moment counts.
Now this one is for the Ladies mainly but I know there are probably some men out there who does this too; which one would you rather be, a Nag or a Hag………………….please don’t answer because both are the wrong answer.
6. Stop Nagging
When you are a nagger, you push people away, especially your spouse! Nagging is a total T.O. “turn off” If you spend all your time nagging at your spouse, how much time do you think you will have for intimate GT? The answer is none because he/she probably will not want to be around you that much and when they are around you, there will be and atmosphere of discomfort. Believe that! You have to set the atmosphere in your home so that even when you and your spouse or having intense fellowship (arguing) it’s okay because the atmosphere of love is surfacing the air of your home.
How about this, HAG; because that’s what you become after continuously nagging; how about you stop nagging and start serving? The things you are nagging about; do them yourself and maybe your marriage will improve.
Now, when I say do it yourself, I mean things within reason of course. Now if it’s something major then nagging isn’t going to solve that problem anyway. That’s going to take prayer and council, but if it’s something small, then just bite the bullet, because after all, you’re not going anywhere……….because your married!
I’d rather be headache free then to be the Nagging Hag all night and still haven’t accomplished anything but a sore throat and a spouse that is annoyed by you. Believe it or not nagging is a bad habit that can be toxic to your marriage.
How about, don’t be a Bore!!!!!
7. Do Something Different
Date night and love making night should not be the same old thing each time. If every date consists of dinner at the same place, followed by a movie, it’s time to shake it up. If love making consist of your spouse on the top all the time, you need some adventure in your sex life. There is nothing worst then boring each other to death, especially when having sex! IJS!!!!
Branch out and try new things, even if you don’t want too, just do it!!!! Be adventurous together. Nothing is wrong with dinner and a move, or a quickie using the same old position, but sometimes you need to switch it up and make your spouse say “hummmm”, this will keep your spouse wondering and anxiously awaiting the next date and/or encounter.
This next one is me all the way; I love a good surprise!!!!!! I’m like a kid when it comes to surprises.
9. Surprise Each Other!
Find out what your spouse loves and how you can incorporate that into an awesome surprise, my husband and I are in a contest called “Who Can Give the Best Surprises?” Especially on Anniversaries and Birthdays; we go all out and it’s not anything expensive it’s just about the creativity. Being creative with birthdays and anniversaries will let your spouse know that you really put time and thought into what you do for them. Anybody can buy a purse but can you buy a popcorn purse by Kate Spade and fill it with all the goodies that your spouse likes when she goes to the movies; like Chicago mix popcorn, Kit-Kats, Swedish Fish, my favorite movies, etc…….
Yes, that’s what my Hubby did for me as a Surprise and boy was I surprised. It was thoughtful and it let me know that as a man he does pay attention to what I like. Things like this will let your spouse know that you know what floats their boat!
I can’t stress this enough, don’t drop the ball and let it get old…………..
10. Pursue Each Other
Studying each other and be the “expert” in knowing your spouse; do thoughtful things for each other, things that reflect the other’s interests and passions. By recognizing each other’s needs and giving the other space to meet them. By creating the time to spend with each other and being present in the moment. By being creative and enthusiastic about your relationship and building intimacy any way you can, by any means necessary.
Well you all, that’s about all I have as far as tips but I do have one last question……………………..
My question to all of you is. There is 24 hours in a day and 168 hours in a week, how much time do you spend being intimate with your spouse? Please don’t answer in my pastor voice………….don’t answer please!
Now, I know I’ve done all this talking but I have something better than just talk! I have a solution!!!
i actually have somewhere, where you can go and get all the help you need to help rebuild the intimacy in your marriage. You can listen to me all day but at the end of the day you may need more than just my advice, you may need to hear it from someone else.
What you’ve just read is based on my recommendation but how about what God recommends………….. YEAH I SAID IT!
God is the only way a marriage is going to last. And it’s going to take the understanding of his requirements in any marriage; this is what’s going to help you and your marriage be successful, I can talk all day but until you hear what God has to say, everything I’ve said is in vain…………
After all, He helped me and now look; I’m writing blogs about it.
That being said……
Victory Outreach Ministries Church presents its………………
Annual Marriage Conference:
“Allowing God to Rebuild Your Marriage & Restore Your Intimacy”
Psalm 127:1-2 saids
1Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. 2 In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat— for he grants sleep to those he loves.
When: May 16, 2014 & May 17, 2014
Where: Victory Outreach Ministries Church, 14 Village Square Drive, Hazelwood, MO. 63042
Time: May 16, 2014, 7:00pm-10:00pm & May 17, 2014, 11:00am-2:00pm
Early registration/meet & greet will be offered from 6:30pm-7:00pm on May 17, 2014
Early registration/meet & greet will be offered from 10:30am-11:00pm on May 17, 2014
Please R.S.V.P. by May, 12, 2014
Tammy Davis: 618.606.6121 or Roz Brown: 314.642.4530
I encourage you to come out and work on your marriage!